New year. New job?
With time to rest, decompress and reflect at year end, most of us, maybe all of us, find ourselves thinking about the year ahead – our goals, our plans for new endeavors. The world in the shiny new year is our oyster. We want it to be great. Perhaps a great new job will fulfill our career dreams. We also think about fixing things that are broken and in need of repair. That could be, and often is, our employment situation.
As each year winds down, I get lots of outreach about job market conditions, resume revamping and requests for help with job search. The reasons for the desired job or career change are many, with the most common ones focusing on the desire for a new challenge, more growth, career progression, a pivot to a new field – or, alternatively, frustration over a missed promotion, a bad manager or below-market pay.
Recruiters love to hear about what is called in the search business the “career wound”: the hurt, the pain that drives someone to consider new opportunities. What recruiters are trained to do is dig into that wound to determine if this is a real enough, deep enough pain to motivate this person to actually make a move. If time is invested on this candidate, are they going to strive to win offers, and most importantly, accept an offer and start the new job? This is the big ROI question for every recruiter.
Word to the wise, there are a lot of less than terrific recruiters out there who will try to capitalize on whatever dissatisfaction with your job or company you express, magnifying it and offering you some sparkly options that they think will entice you.
On a day when one has just had a lousy meeting with one’s manager, or a conflict with a client, or an upsetting messaging from senior leadership or some other frustration, it is easy to listen to someone holding out exciting new possibilities. As one professional put it, “The grass is always greener when you are angry.”
This article isn’t about working with recruiters, although I could write volumes on that topic! This is about how we evaluate this critical career question that is relevant throughout our careers: should I stay or should I go?
Dr. Andy Sih, a professor of ecology and animal behavior at UC Davis, and a team of math modeling folks are creating a model to try to get a handle on how animals “decide” whether to stay or go when they face big problems such as new predators, more predators or not enough food – all things that that will likely harm them if they stay in their current home range. That research is yielding insights on how animals and, similarly, humans deal with uncertainty, how cues in the environment are interpreted and understood, and how much and what kind of information should we rely on to make decisions. Fascinating that humans and animals face the same difficult stay-or-go dilemma!
One thing that neuroscientists have figured out is that human brains really do not like uncertainty. That’s why we feel great when we finally achieve that feeling of certainty that allows us to make a decision. Jonah Lehrer in his terrific New York Times bestseller “How We Decide” looks at the neuroscience of the brain and provides striking insights into what is going on in that approximately three pounds (1300-1400 grams) of grey matter. Lehrer characterizes the brain as constantly in argument with itself, with different parts of the brain providing different inputs into the argument. The rational, conscious brain gives you one set of considerations; the emotional brain gives you other intelligence into the decision-making process.
“A brain that is intolerant of uncertainty – that can’t stand the argument – often tricks itself into thinking the wrong thing.” What Lehrer strongly suggests is that we not be tempted to rush and shortcut the process of decision-making. A better strategy is letting all parts of our amazing brains have their say. “The emotional brain is especially useful at helping us make hard decisions. Its massive computational power – its ability to process millions of bits of data in parallel – ensures that you can analyze all the relevant information when assessing alternatives.”
But there is a caveat here, and that is that the emotional brain learns to synthesize and assess huge amounts of data with its incredible background processing abilities through experience, through the process of making mistakes – which is how we acquire expertise. Before we have amassed lots of career experience, we do need to be mindful of knowing that we don’t know what we don’t know. With less experience, our “gut instincts” are not yet really dialed in. (I can’t recommend this book highly enough!)
This why senior leaders can more often rely on their gut instincts. Earlier in our careers, we need the perspective of those who have seen and experienced more to help us gain perspective before we make our decisions. The power of a robust and active network is that it gives you access to more and better information. You also get the added value of being able to step back from the situation and see it through other eyes and from other vantage points.
Tips when making important career decisions – including stay-or-go:
- Build your network and use it effectively to obtain more information
- Reach out to your senior mentors and get their perspective
When it comes to making a stay-or-go decision at work, we have loads of conflicting inputs and feelings. I have worked with many candidates in the throes of these decisions, and for nearly everyone, at every stage of their career, these decisions are really tough. It is crazy that we are generally not taught effective ways to do this as part of our university training.
Having modern tools and frameworks for decision-making is a must-have part of your career tool kit. You have to build this skill set to make the decisions that will help you build a successful and sustainable career.
To this end, an excellent resource is the book Decisive by the brothers Chip and Dan Heath. Chip is a professor at the Stanford Graduate School of Business, and Dan is a Senior Fellow at Duke University’s CASE Center, which supports entrepreneurs. Their book offers up processes for making decisions that are must-know business tools.
One of the points in Decisive that is fundamental to making good decisions in the stay-or-go scenario is “defining and enshrining your priorities.” The authors state that, “When we identify and enshrine our priorities, our decisions are now more consistent and less agonizing.”
Enshrining your priorities. Here is a case study to illustrate this because it is such an important point:
I recently was talking with a mid-career IT audit professional who had just been offered a job with a major company in her city: a marquee company name to add to her resume, more complex and challenging projects, good team chemistrya and more money. Oh, and there were rumors that her current company might be bought. Seemed like a slam-dunk, no-brainer decision. But it wasn’t. Her current role was near her house with next to no commute, and that was a big bonus. The commute was weighing heavily on her mind; it was the first thing she mentioned.
Contributing to the mental static was the fact that with some mid-management departures at her current company, she appeared to be in a strategic position for succession planning to a much bigger role. This triggered for her a loyalty component. Her employer was pleasant; her boss was a good person; she liked her team. What to do?
Through a 30-minute conversation we uncovered a route to a decision. The commute to a hybrid office where she would need to drive 30 minutes to an hour each way, two to three times a week, was definitely a negative on her pros and cons list. BUT the opportunity to work in this bigger environment on complex projects when she was feeling underutilized in her current job outweighed the time required for the commute. Aha, critical priorities identified: Growth, learning and more challenge trumped the commute. She could accept the extra time required by the commute given the payoff in these areas.
Next, the possible promotion: attractive and high on the pro side. She had invested time with the company. She was fairly confident that the promotion would come her way if she bided her time. But with the ongoing rumors of the company being bought, she decided that the opportunity to join the bigger, stable company was the better move, even though the role would not immediately have heaps more responsibility – just a lot more challenge and learning because of the complexity and size of the company.
The risk of the company being sold was a BIG negative, and bigger than she had initially thought when the commute was foremost in her mind. While future growth was not guaranteed, she was confident that she would perform well and build her way toward a leadership role in a stable company that was unlikely to get bought, sold or merged. Another Aha! moment as she arrived at stability as a critical priority.
What about the loyalty to her current company, boss and team? She was concerned about leaving them in a lurch at a busy time of year. Was this loyalty worth sacrificing what appeared to be a major career growth opportunity?
We spoke about loyalty and how far that goes in today’s world. The truth is that ultimately loyalty doesn’t go that far. This is not to say that loyalty is a bad thing, but it can be a consideration that keeps us from doing what is optimal for our careers. If we have learned nothing else about work since the 1980s it is that we are all dispensable and disposable.
There was the final Aha! Taking the new role for the benefit of her career now, and in the future, was a critical priority. She would find a way to graciously transition her work and leave on good footing.
By the end of our conversation, the decision was obvious: Take the offer. And, as so often is the case when a decision is made, it was clear that the weight had lifted from her shoulders. Her brain had found its happy certainty.
A few final thoughts – while I was researching this fascinating and complex topic, I spoke with a number of professionals about their stay-or-go decisions and lessons they had learned along the way. So, that’s the final piece that I want to share with you here:
- “No job will ever love you back.” Many people place overly high expectations on their employers (in great part fostered by the companies themselves) for things like career support, mentorship, care for my well-being, growth opportunities, seeing me as an individual. Companies will be “nice” to employees when it is beneficial for them. But, if we expect our employers to consistently deliver on things that are important to us, we will be greatly disappointed. The business will do what is right for the business.
With that in mind, we have to claim our agency in our careers. We have to take charge as the CEOs of our own careers and make the well-considered strategic decisions that are the best for our careers, our health, our families and our ethics. We have to leave when we know it’s time. Loyalty will not protect our careers.
- “When your job stops giving you something, leave.” Read this to mean it’s time to leave when you have gotten everything that you can from a role or a company. Once you start repeating work or projects without learning something new, it is likely time to leave. However, one must be careful about how one assesses if they have extracted everything they can. Oftentimes we think we have, but in fact, if we step back, talk with others, look for new opportunities internally, there are solutions to the lack of learning that don’t involve leaving. Look for those BEFORE you make the decision to leave.
- “There is usually an inflection point when you know it is time to go.” Anticipate it, and be prepared with a contingency plan before you hit that point. This often comes up when companies are going through hard times. People are watching colleagues leave in droves. Should they go, too? You don’t want to be blindsided, but by the same token there may be an opportunity embedded in the chaos. As one executive said, “You might want to stay to see if it will bounce.” And, if the severance package has yet to be decided, consider whether it might not be worth staying to see that through.
- “Never leave for money – ever.” What this means is never leave JUST for the money. Career decisions made based on money alone are typically not the best. The top five parameters for judging a new role: 1) New challenge; 2) Learning opportunities; 3) Career growth; 4) Great boss; 5) A company I believe in. (This is not a ranking, just a list.) If all, or most of those conditions are met, you are on pretty solid ground. Money is very nice to have, but it does not outweigh these five critical parameters for career success or happiness.
- “If you leave, you have to impress again. Build equity again. Do it all again. It’s tiring. Is it worth it?” It is important to consider this because it is absolutely true. A new job is a lot of work. Make sure you are prepared to put in the hours and earn the wins.
- “Leave when you are the smartest person in the room.” If there aren’t people who know more than you do, this can cause you to plateau. Your engagement in the role starts to drop. Perhaps you even start to resent the work because you are coming up with all the solutions. You may become a threat to your boss, or alternatively, your boss may hold you back from growth roles because you are doing such a great job making them look good.
- “Are you building the next great chapter in your career narrative? How will you answer the questions about this role or this career move to future interviewers?” Brilliant concept. Each job is a chapter in our career story. What are we going to say about it? What have we learned? How does it fit?
- “Never leave on bad terms.” Every market is small. Every industry is tiny. Bad behavior gets found out. Everyone talks. Reputation is hard to rebuild. Truth.
This article is certainly not a definitive one on the stay-or-go question. There are so many nuances in stay-or-go decisions that it is hard to write a short piece and cover a broad swath of ground. My hope is that this article gave you new ideas to ponder, books from experts to read for tools and paradigms, a sense of how hard these decisions are (you are not alone in this struggle!), and finally, how vital the decisions are to your career success.
If you are looking for a soft skill to add to your 2023 goals, put this right near the top of your list. It’s safe to bet that you’ll need it sooner than you think!